att:

#X pauses the conversation until you get there. No text is worth a life.

Artwork by Matthew Williamson 

att:

#X pauses the conversation until you get there. No text is worth a life.

Artwork by Matthew Williamson 

5,820 notes

davvvd:

-annoying:

the “i’m not afraid to verbally assault a middle schooler if they look at my kid the wrong way” haircut

image

I thought this was the “I would like to speak with a manager” haircut

97,857 notes

bnaksy:

bullshitting an essay and getting a good grade for it

image

209,981 notes

cumillionaire:

If my jokes offend you:

  1. I’m sorry
  2. It won’t happen again
  3. 1 & 2 are lies 
  4. You’re a pussy

(Source: 69shadesofgray)

767,750 notes

codeinewarrior:

me: hey can i have some money?

bank teller: do you have an account with us?

me: nah i just heard yall got money

118,256 notes

corporateaccount:

iowa is the only state that consists entirely of vowels

128,713 notes

mostlygreenday:

your tumblr is one of those things that you want everyone to see but at the same time you never want to show it to anyone

1,004,322 notes

pimpdaddies:

elementary school libraries have gotten wild

pimpdaddies:

elementary school libraries have gotten wild

166,479 notes

always-sunny-aso:

"So you’ve been in here tearing apart pillows and… pooping… on the floor?"

always-sunny-aso:

"So you’ve been in here tearing apart pillows and… pooping… on the floor?"

18 notes

emkaymlp:

pretty damn impressive for pencil and crayons

emkaymlp:

pretty damn impressive for pencil and crayons

(Source: hashsling-slasher)

19,237 notes

neptunain:

to catch a bus you have to think like a bus

108,705 notes

hotsuburbandad:

This water is VEGAN???? *spits it out* bring me some meat water you punk clown

(Source: sigurrossgeller)

59,475 notes